Kalinka's World

Wondering's...

2011-04-05T01:16:00.000+02:00

Just sitting here and look over all my blogs etc, seems i never actually are a ..well blogger person I guess.
Most blogs I make seems to be picture related , either clothing I make or paintings i like or make..

Today i have been sitting, pondering about my life, and what one should, could and have to do.
I have seen how extremely i could be loved this past years, and how fast i become forgotten. A bit hard to take that in, but one have to. I'm not bitter or anything, actually made me believe there is something called love out there..i just don't have the last little thing that make them stay :)

I'm glad my ex found new love, even thou it was a little painful, but that's life, what don't kill you makes you think... I do think alot thou.

I started my own company take a looksi, went to art class to see if that something I would love to do, and yes.. but not at this time.
While painting I was thinking about my sewing, and while sewing i was thinking about my painting..the Sewing won in the end. Art school later, now make my firm actually to make money...

Still, I try to think about how I might meet another man in my life..and I'm blanc... Dating services..err... tried that..and for some reason i get contacted by people my fathers age and people that just want to have "fun"...READ THE INFO I WRITE "#¤¤#

I also miss living in Denmark alot...My own home country isn't my favourite place to be, mostly because I don't have the cash to live here :) But my sweet soon to teenagers loves it here, well I guess ill move away when she moves out or something :)
..But then again, i have a mother who is dying of cancer and a father that feels that hes alone.
I love them both so i guess ill be staying here in Norway for some years still.

I'm soon to be 38, and I've never been married, my longest love affair lasted 3 years, partly because we was not in the same country so he didn't get all my flaws until late ;)I have a daughter I love to bits and family that loves me for who I am..at times. Have my own firm, and hopefully i get a part time job as well.
So all in all, not to bad, ohh yeah and a really cute cat :)

Her Name is Anette :)

Still have a lot of good things in life, but i hope my daughter only experience half what I have :)

Good Night for now, maybe i have a blogger in me after all.

December 2009

2009-12-19T21:02:00.003+01:00

Well another year with a blog thats been silent for so long.
On monday i travel to the UK for x-mas with my warlock. :)
But there might be delays.. as he said.. when Hitler bombed them they didnt flinch.. but a snowflake and the UK stops hehe
Well Lets hope the dealy aint to bad. Just bring some extra food and clothing and some good books i guess we will be ok in the end.

Gonna see if there will be some good pictures that i can post later :9

ill be back again soon for more postings :)

To my Warlock Neco

2008-07-06T23:19:00.001+02:00

I don't get many things right the first time
In fact, I am told that a lot
Now I know all the wrong turns, the stumbles and falls
Brought me here

And where was I before the day
That I first saw your lovely face?
Now I see it everyday
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

What if I'd been born fifty years before you
In a house on a street where you lived?
Maybe I'd be outside as you passed on your bike
Would I know?

And in a white sea of eyes
I see one pair that I recognize
And I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you

Next door there's an old man who lived to his nineties
And one day passed away in his sleep
And his wife; she stayed for a couple of days
And passed away

I'm sorry, I know that's a strange way to tell you that I know we belong
That I know

That I am
I am
I am
The luckiest

Kalinka, the frostmage

Breaking me down

2007-06-09T04:19:00.000+02:00

LET GO!
How far will a far side take me
How far can I go can I go
Gotta be what the nightmare made me
Gotta be gotta be what I see
Jump clear of the falling parts from me
How far will they go will they go
Can't give what you want from me baby
Just let it go

Breaking me down break me down sweet sugar
Breaking me down break me down
Breaking me down to the ground sweet baby
Breaking me down to the ground

Too much is made of what's in me
Not enough about how I strive
Keep an eye on your world it's cheating
Keep an eye keep an eye on me
Deep inside there's a little place for me
A little place for me
Can't give what you want from me baby
Just let it be

Breaking me down break me down sweet sugar
Breaking me down break me down
Breaking me down to the ground sweet baby
Breaking me down to the ground

Sweet razor wound
Deep down slice my groove
soothing razor wound
Deep down C'mon and slice it

How far did the far side take me
How far did I go did I go
Had to be what the nightmare made me
Fuck,..Just had to be
Jump clear of the falling parts from me
How far did they go did they go
Can't give what you want from me baby
Hell,..Just let it go

Breaking me down break me down sweet sugar
Breaking me down break me down
Breaking me down to the ground sweet baby
Breaking me down to the ground

Breaking me down break me down (sweet baby)
Breaking me down break me down (sweet sugar)
Breaking me down to the ground sweet baby
Breaking me down to the ground

How could this happend ?

2007-06-09T03:30:00.000+02:00

How could you just burst in like this !?
Take over my heart as you have done…

How is it possible,,, to Feel this way ,, about one you cant say you know..
And the strangest part,,, you feel it as well !?

How can you’re smile make me warm inside?
How come my blushing face, make you so proud?

And how is it that I can make you u trust me so?
And that I trust you as much back?

.. I hope we meet one day..
...So we both can understand..

So I can hear u voice in my ear,,
So I can feel the skin of you’re Face under my hand.
So I can see you’re smile when I blush,
Just because you look at me with you’re blue eyes..

I wish the time was now…

Prayer

2007-03-31T02:51:00.000+02:00

Another dream that will never come true
Just to compliment your sorrow
Another life that I've taken from you
A gift to add on to your pain and suffering
Another truth you can never believe
Has crippled you completely
All the cries you're beginning to hear
Trapped in your mind, and the sound is deafening

Let me enlighten you
This is the way I pray

[Chorus]
Living just isn't hard enough
Burn me alive, inside
Living my life's not hard enough
Take everything away

Another nightmare about to come true
Will manifest tomorrow
Another love that I've taken from you
Lost in time, on the edge of suffering
Another taste of the evil I breed
Will level you completely
Bring to life everything that you fear
Live in the dark, and the world is threatening

Let me enlighten you
This is the way i pray

[chorus]

Return to me
Leave me no one
Turn to me
Return to me
Cast aside

You've made me turn away

[chorus]

/disturbed/

Meg

2007-03-28T04:38:00.000+02:00

Hva med MEG!

Hva er det som får andre til å like MEG ? Eller å hate meg.

Hvordan skal man liksom være da ?!

Må jeg virkelig bli som alle andre ?

For å bli likt ?!

Hvorfor er akkurat JEG så vanskelig å like !?

Hva er det med MEG som gjør med til en kul venn,,,en gang i blant...

Hva er grunnen til at absolutt JEG er den som blir alene!?

Er det kanskje fordi akkurat JEG skremmer andre med den JEG er ?!

Fordi JEG ser verden på ett annet sett ?!

Fordi akkurat JEG kan bli glad eller like ANDRE for hva de er ?!

Er JEG skremmende pågrunn av DET?

Er folk redde for folk som bare liker en annen uten å ville forandre den personen ?

Tror det...

Kan være at JEG skal bruke mitt liv på å kun være den jeg er ..

Og traske videre,,alene med Megselv og stikke hodet innom andres veier for å si hei,

Også gå min egen vei ?

Om det så var...eller det er jo slik det er..

Hvorfor skal den veien være så ensom ?!

Det er ikke noe JEG har valgt...

Men,,

Det bare ER,,,

JEG har MEG,,, Og andre trenger meg kun en kort secund i deres liv..

Vel.. DA er jeg sekunder i noens liv iallefall..

Jeg vil ikke forandres slik at andre kan like meg..

Bare jeg en gang kan møte noen som er som jeg,,

Som kun liker meg,,

For den jeg er,,

Det er jo MEG...

Kalima

My latest painting...

2006-10-01T01:44:00.000+02:00

"Beaten Angel"

This is my latest Painting,,,
This is alsø how i do feel inside..

2006-08-15T00:04:00.000+02:00

GAH !!!!

2006-08-14T21:51:00.000+02:00

Well, it seems i have to much on my mind again. Sleeping a lot and im not talking to much.
And after all, even with so many friends..im still alone *just smile*
its so stupid at times.. i really mean it..
right now,, i want to tell everybody what i really want,,
But then again,,thats not me, is it..
Tell one that i love him more then a friend, tell another that the friendship scares the hell out of me, tell someone else that i still think of him and miss him...tell people what i think.. not good at that im I..

Think i have a really bad day..
I mean totally fucked day...'Just want to mean something spesial for just one.. somethink that make them wanna do stuff with me.. but im always the odd man out anyway. *Or in this case , woman..
im just tierd and sad,,and i was stupid enought to plan something..and the others made plans or backe out.. no wonder i never plan stuff..
But then again.. my friends plan stuff with me.. hehe oh yeah,, im loosing controll of my life i feel.. and i cant tell them..can I,,it will only hurt them alot...

Well.. enought ranting ,, ill find my bed and read some..
A new day tomorrow...

2006-08-08T21:53:00.000+02:00

Eyes..
How come ..
That even when im happy,
my eyes are sad ?

even thou NOW..
its a good time..
Where did my happy eyes go ?

..........

A song that is nice S

2006-07-07T01:17:00.000+02:00

i got my head but my head is unravelling
cant keep control can't keep track of where it's travelling
i got my heart but my heart's no good
you're the only one that's understood

i come along but i dont know where you're taking me
i shouldn't go but you're wrenching dragging shaking me
turn off the sun pull the stars from the sky
the more i give to you the more i die

and i want you,,

you make me hard when i'm all soft inside
i see the truth when i'm all stupid-eyed
the arrow goes straight through my heart
without you everything just falls apart

my blood just wants to say hello to you
my fears want to get inside of you
my soul is so afraid to realize
how very little good is left of me

and i want you..
take me with you

without you everything just falls apart

it's not as much fun to pick up the pieces

Nine Inch Nails

Fallen Angel

2006-07-06T11:52:00.000+02:00

As an Fallen angel she looks around her.
can they see?
can they feel her ?
Can they see that shes not fully beaten yet ?
Does she wanne be beaten ?!?

She sits down and think..
And her feelings is like a storm..

What to do..

The lonelyness,,

2006-06-29T23:11:00.000+02:00

As a fallen angel I sit between my friends..
My tears cannot bee seen,,
my heart cannot be heard..

My smile falters not, my wings seems whole..
My heart seems like its ripped apart..

My soul feels dark..
my wings are heavy and stale..
My tears comes when im alone

The wings still needs healing,,
My heart still needs needlework,,
So alone sometimes..
So alone in a wood of friends..

My tears stains my cheecks,,
My anger arouse my hate,,

I DO not want to fall Again!
I will NOT do that again
LOVE is there
never be alone AGAIN,,,

The fallen rises and open the heart for the woods..

kalima

A long Time,,,

2006-04-23T02:45:00.000+02:00

Been a while since i wrote here,,
The reasons are many and booring,,

I have found out a lot of things about me and the world around me.
Some is really good,and some bad..
Like this old tree where I live i feel cut down but still have my roots,

Beeing as it is now,, it can only go one way and thats up
Not that my life is down or anything like that,
just at some turning points.

Maybe ill go one way
..or the other,,

One thing that is true thou,,
i do not think i can take another heart break

Im afraid,,
Afraid to feel to much..
to hope to much..

I do not want to be alone..but there is no reason i should be with someone,,
I always get left behind anyway

I once said that my life is to enter someones elses life and turn it around.
Still got that feeling thou..

In 2 weeks ill be 33...
Still single and still living alone.

I have my roots,,
and nothing to reach for,,like the old tree,,

The last day of 2005

2005-12-31T02:16:00.000+01:00

So, Here Im sitting.. on the last day of 2005,

I got a babysitter for my lovely little daughter since a freind of mine wanted to go out tonight,

I found myself missing some people yesterday, strted to think a lot about this year, I had a breakdown that sendt me to a doctor, for the first time in my life i actually went on medication for my thoughts,,,

In off them, im good ,, and i have been scared. I changed jobs,, moved to another part of sweden. Had some relationships this year (all gone to hell thou) , had someone i trusded as a friend and found out that you actualy dont want all people as friends..

Iv been more true to myself, also i treat myself better now then before,, its like i kinda forgave myself for alot of things i have done to myself over the years....

I know I have people that love me, i wae told so today from my good friend, so i have them, i should be happy, and I am, but I once more go into a new year without the one.. If you understand me. Im getting to feel more,, its not that i will not date or anything,, is just that,, i feel that my someone is not here,, or will be here..

And in a strange way,,, that its ok now, Im just having fun again with my life, Yeah,, actually i really would be happy if someone wanted me as a girlfriend or even wanted to marry me (yeah some will be shocked now *laught*) Yes its true, for those who know me, I do want to get married,, but noone can live with me *laught*

So when we are all 80 years or something, you will get an invitiation to my wedding *lol*

But for those who i have fun with ,,relax.. im not on a husband hunt *S* im just enjoying the "fun".

Well, back on track, Today , like i said, i started to miss someone quite bad.. really bad,, and he actually had thought about me yesterday to, He asked if he was welcome to come visit me again, Strange how in tune you can be with a friend,

Also miss the one that went back to norway, Miss hes smile and warmth i got from him, I regret hurting him in the way i did, He did not diserve that, But i was to scared and had to many problems with my life at that point,, i couldnt drag hum in that, i have to stand alone a little while.

To my Balded and dear friend, you where one that make me open my eyes, you are still in my head, but you are much more quit now,, Dont have the same power over me anymore *S* and that is a good thing,

I miss my to friends that got married and are going the road of life together, I envy you that.

I miss my bestfriend and ex boyfriend, For always beeing there,, even in the bad times i had,

You all live to far away from me to get hugs,, but you will get them when we meet again,

And for the one i moved closer to, you still makes my life at work good days, You are a free spirit and you owe me a dinner *snickers* Thank you for getting me up fast when i trip near the dark again,

There are so many people in my life at some points, that i get lonely in the big group, But you are there. That meens more to me then you will understand,

This year have been a year the i have grown to understand that im good at what i can,,

I love you all in different ways *S* Have a good year in 2006, we will still see eachother then

yay.. i did it !!

2005-12-31T02:05:00.000+01:00

At work today,,
I did it,,

I answered 73 mails with tech solutions,, my partner at work now owe mw Dinner !!

I beat his record *snickers*
I feel goooooood.

the Xmas party at the new job

2005-12-11T16:59:00.000+01:00

Well, I suvived the Xmas party at Stream. came home the day after around 15:00,,

That was NOT the plan,, I wasnt suppose to get tipsy, but i did *laught*

i did not anything i regret or stupid things *smiles* thats a good thing,
I had a lot of fun, and got t know the others a bit better. It was cool.

A bit tierd on this sunday, but feel gooood.

me

2005-12-03T04:07:00.000+01:00

Me..
Someone who tries to be herself..
Someone who may care alot for others..
Someone who dont have to be liked by others..

Me..
Someone who find comford in the little things..
Someone who tries to comfort others..
Someone who does not get that comfort herself..

Me..
An angle with her wings broken, but now repaired..
Wings of solitude and realisation..
Wings to wrap around those who need it..

Me..
Someone who need to be needed..
Someone who will try to fix things..
me...
not an angle of promise..

Just me...

Kalima

Strange

2005-11-25T00:17:00.000+01:00

Strange...

I feel myself more content then ever..
could be that I was right after all.

My life is like a ride trough a strange land.
My feelings have been tossed around like marbles.
This last time.. I wasnt even in Love..

Still..

It went wrong..
Im just a person that fly trough someones life..
My good friend says i Demand to little..
But it seems that the one thing I desire the most.. is to much..
Truth..

Not later, but there and then..

I trusted that My Master would keep that one..
He did not..
I trusted that he would be a friend after this..

Now.. I feel no trust to other then myself..
Like I said..
Strange..

Its the first time in a really long time..
I just want to be..
with me..

Kalima (nobody's sub or slave)

And the fallen Angel transform..

2005-11-13T01:21:00.000+01:00

The Fallen Angel find her self aries when she becomes aware of her true name..
From the wings that she tought was broken, there have become more free..
Behold, she is coming back more then before

Fallen Angel..

2005-11-10T18:29:00.000+01:00

..the Fallen Angels fold out her wings..
..She was told to trust shadow on the left and darkness on the right..
She feel the darkness there..
..but the shadow is is almost gone..

..Why should she belive in them anyway..
The Darkness is steady, the shadow is see trough..
She is thinking.. and start to fold her wings down again...

Maybe shadow will once more be there,,
She thinks not..
She havnt felt him for some days....
Just a Hint would be enought...

..the Fallen angel fold her wings all the way down again..
..feeling lost and understand once again..
never trust...
never belive...

She feel alone and wing clipt again...

Another Job Offer

2005-10-21T23:07:00.000+02:00

Oh My Good.. This is strange thou,, just recived a mail that tells me that ANOTHER Firm wants to have a meeting with me.. hehe, this hasnt happend to me before *S* Well will call her on monday and see what this is .. its so cool to actually get head hunted *lol* I feel good and a bit bad at the same time *snickers*

My New Home and New Job !

2005-10-21T12:10:00.000+02:00

I have the coolest Teamleader, since there have been some trouble with the school for my daughter etc, he just said to me today, taht i should fix that then im on class.. oh my,,and here I was afraid i should get fired..

I told him that I was willig to help on the danish and swedish lines too.. as an compensation for the weeks i have been on/off work becouse of this.

They also have a "new" sysem tath I know like tha back of my hand, and he is going to use that to as he said.. I feel good again.

Now the only thing that I have to fix is my old appartment and that im sick..

Well.. amongs the clouds the stars look good...

And.. I have someone that cares for me.. It feels good to..

*singing while drinking her coffe*

This week...

2005-10-03T23:42:00.000+02:00

This week... have been like no other week in my life..
I Feel small and big at the same time..
I feel strong and weak
Cold and Hot..

I let someone get close to me.. closer then most people have ever been..
I felt scared, and i felt good..
I had fun and I was sad..

I felt you enter my mind..
I felt you understanding me..
I felt loved in an strange way,,

I feel now that this is a good thing..
I feel that this is a step i had to take.
I feel good now, about myself..

Im glad I dared enter this world again..
Im glad youre the one I dared to trust..
Fable, you make me somewhat whole again

Thank you my Master/Friend and lover..

kalima(A), Fables submissiv

Last day at work

2005-09-30T16:41:00.000+02:00

Last day !!

I feel happy and really sad at the same time..

Happy becouse im moving on..

Sad becouse it seems like nobody cares anyway if Im not here anymore..

I start thinking about how often we gave people who left a card and good luck..

I didnt even get that

*smiles*

I got a pair of eardubs from a danish girl at work *S*

Havnt seen it thou, but i know she is making them by hand *wee*

Well, anywho..

The norwegian big flag is down. I have 30 minutes left of my day..

Then i do not work here anymore..

strange..

Another thought....again

2005-09-28T10:26:00.000+02:00

Another thought enter my mind..
How could this be ?

I feel my self be more.. me..
I feel that the walls are cracking up !!

My warm little world has a broken wall..
But still I feel warm..
No cold breeze enters..
Only warm air and laughter.

I feel Small, but still safe,,
I feel warm....

and really safe..

Kalima

even now..

2005-09-27T15:19:00.000+02:00

Even now i get hurt..

Even now i feel stupid..

Why should i dare to dream anyways..

Why should i care..

Not much that make me sad

Not much that make me cry

But, the lonelyness i feel

And how stupid i look..

Not even myself can i belive in

Not even myself can i trust..

Do not want to come between people

Do not want to feel left out..

Still do thou

Still do..

kalima

Fable

2005-09-22T23:58:00.000+02:00

What am I supose to do
now that I have allowed you to "beat" me

I kinda like the misery you put me trought
Maybe I should let you win,,

Let you get the Whole of me..
Give my self to you

More then I do now..
Im youres to rule
Im youres to own.

Take me away and will prove myself worth all that,,
*Bow before thee*

kalima, Fabels submissive

Wings

2005-09-17T19:37:00.000+02:00

Wings...

I need them now.. i want them..
I need to get away,, need to see things from above..

I need actually wings.. so I can explain how I feel...
But the wings will only be in my head.. and I still try to explaine..

It do not work..
hay will not hear my words..
only the sound of my voice..

Alone with stupid feelings.. but true ones..

Rest My Godmother

2005-09-17T13:33:00.000+02:00

I was told today that my Godmother died last week…
I’m sad and smiling at the same time.
She have been fighting long with her illness now.. time for her to relax and sleep..
She will always be in my heart and my life..

Ill miss you My GodMother,,,

Rest in peace, you have struggled enough, time to rest

Love you

Sadness..

2005-09-10T19:20:00.000+02:00

Sitting here , after my friend said that tomorrow is a better day.. like he had said yesterday.. I think for my self.. I'm leaving soon.. for good from this place.. and actually do not wanna leave here,, but my "home" is broken here.. my peace was damage.. some one took the choice for me again..

I loved this town.. now i have started to hate this place and the people.. And that kinda scares me.. For I thought i had more friends here, but i think i was wrong..

So now I will start to forget this place.. exept for some people..

I have a bad day,, and i cannot tell people about it, becouse , even I think the reason is stupid..

For the first time in a long while.. I feel so alone.. and I cannot wait untill i get away from here..

How sad am I ?

A thought of mine...

2005-09-07T19:21:00.000+02:00

Thinking about you...

Feeling you.. in my head..

Feeling my dreams and my fear come so close to me..

Smile a lot.. even when I feel down now...

Smile when i had a bad day, just have to call you to be in a good mood..

How can this be.. after a short time..

I know you think of me..

You smiled over the phone when you told me..

I could feel the smile *S*

You became the Joker in my cards..

The one who swept me of my feet..

and..

I did the same to you...

Kalima, malmö 7 sept 2005

The Whole "New Job" thingi !!

2005-09-07T16:09:00.000+02:00

Well, what can i say, i have quit my old job and went to denmark for a screening test for Dell sales, it went ok.. then she said to me that ill recive a mail this week...

I was happy, she thought that i could do the job, soo looking forward to visit my friends mum we went from denmark to sweden, on our way to the train station.. another call...

"can you be back in denmark tomorrow morning for the second intervjue ?"

My jaw almost hit the ground...
So i had to call the other firm and change the job intervjue there to later that day..

So.. back to denmark tomorrow.. then to sweden again, and then to the middle of sweeden..

I hope i get that job.. i really do.. I WANT that job *S*

The Road Trip to Norway

2005-09-02T04:55:00.000+02:00

Ahh, I found out that my trip to norway was a good way to clean up my thoughts...

The first thing that happend on the trip was that i found out that I had a really good friend in my company, and after some talking, i found out that this is not the guy i wanna be with (im not the girl he wants either so thats exelent) Then I started my thoughts how it would be to go back home to sweden and talk to a boy there thats in love with me.. The more my thoughts was around him.. the more i found out that i only had good feelings for him as an friend.
I knew i had to break his heart when i get home... and i did... I really wished the time was different, but he will find a nice girl thats not so screewed in her head...

He is still one of my best friend, And i love him for that..

I wish thing could have been different.. Im sorry.. you know who you are.. i love you alot as my friend..

Ze wediing

2005-08-30T20:36:00.000+02:00

Ahh, my 2 best friends tie the knot *S*
It was a nice and "medival" Wedding in Norway,

The gift they got from me was the dress and the suit.
Spesial made for them *S*

A nice day to rember, and they looked so in love and so ready to do this for eachother..

*S*

Enough !!

2005-08-19T23:25:00.000+02:00

I think I give up people now.. The promises they make, the thing they say..

The ones you think are you friends.. Then you hear what they say about you.. And all I can do is laught !!

After a serious breakdown, I actually was more sick that I thought.. Im now recovered.. I actually go 2 step forward and stay there now.. Then People are coming with the stranges thing to me.. Today I felt like a devils advocate.. I still feel like that, I have begun to "clear up" my group of "friends".. friends that come to me with there problems I listen,, and STUPID me thinks that I can talk to them.. And they turn around and say things that they are fed up with hearing about my problems.. OK, sorry then,, say it to my face.. Not say it to other people .. And promises that are made to give me space only last for maybe a week.. And then broken.. Things I don't take on msn because things get misunderstood.. Still they take it on msn..

Im so tired, fed up and calm (?) that I just want to go away and never return again.. I actually had it now..

I feel so stupid.. And I have to do something about this.. I get so tired of being dragged to one side and another.. im tired of talking in circles..

So Now.. Bed...

Wondering..

2005-08-17T02:48:00.000+02:00

I'm thinking a lot lately (more then usual)
Sitting looking at my paintings around me..
And one thing hit me.. while looking at them.. they tell me that im alone..
How Can I be alone !!
I have some really good and close friends.. I have my angel..

Then I came to term with this.. the reason why my paintings seems so alone... its becouse I paint out the sorrow i have..

Well.. wonder what kinf og paintings ill make when the sadness in me is gone *S*

2005-08-16T22:44:00.000+02:00

Ahhh.. what a day.. I fell asleep.. again...
Not fun at all...

Like my drawing here shows.. that is how i feel about mydelsf at the moment.. gah,,

Sorry Rexy,, I knew I promised to come to you today,,

*mu*

Hate this.. hate the body in in, that will not heal..

But then i start thinking about other people I know.. and then I feel lucky,..
I , atleast heals..and get better.. Have no right to feel sorry for myself..to long anyways *S*

Maybe Ill just go back to sleep and then tomorrow everything will be ok..

Another day,, and another Time

2005-08-16T13:50:00.000+02:00

Another day,, And my head is filled with this things ->
I hate beeing the grownup sometimes.. all the fuzz about money, paying the bills.. etc etc

Sometimes i envy my little girl, how life is sweet for her at the moemnt now *S* Only 7 and have the whole world at her feet *S*

Dont take it the wrong way, im dnt think that Im at the end of my time here, just fed up by the whole system at the moment.. tierd and sleepless at nights..

the good thing thou is that I have overcome my depression and are clearing up everything that go wrong in that period. I've done some strabge things in my account in that periode,, payed bills, but to the wrong company and stuff *hehe* When calling them I just laught *S*
They see the humor they also, but still, I havnt payed them, so noe i have to be a creative seller of some of my things i do not need *S*

its ok, Then I get cleaned up in my closet and other places in the appartment.

Still I wonder, Did other people that use the same medesine as mine have the same problems ?
My friend do not have that,, hehe

Well, Off to do more stuff with my sewing machine *S*
Sometimes that help a lot *S*

Another thought..

2005-08-11T01:47:00.000+02:00

Sitting here, writing on my little girls blogg made me think..

Why do we want everybody to read about our kids ?
Then it hit me.. Bcouse we love them so high, and just want to chare that to the world.. A world that sometimes forget the little things..

*How a rose smells..
*How beautefull a sunset is..
*How clear the air gets after the rain..
*How colors in the autum makes you smile..
*How the first snow covers the earth,, making in nice and soft..
*How the first smile and laughter from your own kid makes tears of joy come in youre eyes..

Sometimes.. I think Im blessed.. becouse i love those little things...

Well off to bed.. another day in the mines tomorrow...

What I make at work, when im bored S

2005-08-09T21:36:00.000+02:00

This picture I made in paint and then addn the background and colors in photoshop *S*

Thoughs about myself S

2005-08-09T21:11:00.000+02:00

Well, found this cute little page where you can make a little doll of oneself.
They even had black Angle wings , that so many seesm to think that I should have *smiles*

As an Support agent/mentor for HP, I though this pictur was the best i could mak to be lik me.

An angel with an attitude

Maybe I should stop having this mask all the time.. The one that you always have at work..

Maybe i just should start to be..more just me ??

I think that would be a good thing !

An little Angel story

2005-08-09T19:06:00.000+02:00

An angel come to my house
A smile on Her face
"see, i come with great news to you"
"mhm" i answered..
the angel looked at me again..
"i come to take away all youre fears and sorrows"
"mhm" i said one more time
The angel took down her wings and tiltded her head,
"you do not belive what I am saying to you ?"
I smiled

"If you take away all the sorrow and fears from me.."
I smiled to the angel ..
"how will I then know that Im happy and unafraid ?"
The Angel smiled a little smile and her apperance changed"So" she said..
"you do know that thats part of being a human ?"
"yes" I replayed "I know that if you want to enjoy the good times.."
I took a deep brath..
"You have to have the bad ones"

She looked at me, grinding Her teeth,,,
"you have made youre choise, have te pain then,, and the sorrows!!!!"
Then She wanish in a poff of smoke..

I lowered my head and laught to my self..
How can people take life without the pain and sorrow..
I looked at the blue sky above me and went inside..
Closing the door slowly behind me..

Kalima 8 aug 2005

Life,, and all the other stuff..

2005-08-09T13:42:00.000+02:00

Hmm.. Life is somtimes a funny thing..

I have a job.. that make the money, but not my life.. have a hobby that makes my life.. but no money.. have someone who loves me.. that i do not dare go for at the moment..

Catch 22...

Why do one have to Love anyway ?.. Why cant people just like eachother and find out if they maybe can be together for a long time (no romantick ever after in my belives)

Let us think about it.. the things we are told as kids...

"When you get older you will find the one that you will char youre life with, like mum and dad!!"

Then they go and get divorced.. And as a kid you do not understand that, but you still try to find this one person in youre life...

After the one person get like 10 persons.. you stop beliving..

Then you strat to wonder.. why should ther be only one person in youre life anyway ?

And why does it have to be love in that relationship ?

Couldnt it just be a good friend and fun sex ?

Thn you see most of youre friends around you get enganged .. then they marry...

And you still stands there alone..

You are always th one that get the invitation "bring a friend" Hehe,, no punds to my friend Rexy who IS getting married.. (as it stood that in the invitation)

I am happy for all my friends that dare to do that,, who is loving someone like that..

I just do not dare at the moment to feel like that,, I see to much fun i wanna do.. and sometimes a boyfriend would get in the way.. maybe.. if i found someone like me.. or atleast some one that thinks a bit like me..

Like i always say.. Im never on the lookout for a partner, and im always on the look out for a partner.. *laught*

But now i have lost the treath here ..

*backtrack a bit*

Yeah,, we are told that we should get a good job after school, get a place to live .. etc etc.. good "normal" life.

For the most people that works.. then there are the so called "freaks, spesial, etc ect (you know what i meen) kinda people"

That moves a lot becouse they cant get a job where they are at ze moment.

Allways on the lookout for something diffrent..

I have taken an diffrent path then my parents told me (and yeah, they got divorced) And my father support me on that, im not to sure of my mum..

I have a kid i love, thats the only thing in my life in like 110% sure of here.. The rest is a blur..

Seems like the population is divided in 2.. the boys and girls that get this "normal" lifes, and the "nomads" lik me.. That dar to do stuff like moving to another contry and start over..but do not dare to give herself to one person..

Well.. is a weird thing,, isnt it ?

Kalinka's World

Wondering's...

December 2009

To my Warlock Neco

Breaking me down

How could this happend ?

Prayer

Meg

Hva med MEG!

My latest painting...

A song that is nice *S*

Fallen Angel

The lonelyness,,

A long Time,,,

The last day of 2005

yay.. i did it !!

the Xmas party at the new job

me

Strange

And the fallen Angel transform..

Fallen Angel..

Another Job Offer

My New Home and New Job !

This week...

Last day at work

Another thought....again

even now..

Fable

Wings

Rest My Godmother

Sadness..

A thought of mine...

The Whole "New Job" thingi !!

The Road Trip to Norway

Ze wediing

Enough !!

Wondering..

Another day,, and another Time

Another thought..

What I make at work, when im bored *S*

Thoughs about myself *S*

An little Angel story

Life,, and all the other stuff..

A song that is nice S

What I make at work, when im bored S

Thoughs about myself S